Newsflash – Hot City Bench attacks Yorkshiremens buttocks

Newsflash - Hot City Bench attacks Yorkshiremens buttocks - Optimized blue ocean1 - Getting Down Under Brown, CBD, drinking fountains, Hay Street, heat, Murray Street, paint, Perth, Perth City, sun stroke, third degree burns, Weather, wooden benches, Yorkshire


As Australia and Perth charges towards the silly and extremely hot summer season, I’m often impressed by the buildings and objects scattered around the city that are designed to help make shopping in such steamy conditions a much more pleasant experience.

Many if not all the shops in the main Malls (Hay Street and Murray Street) have a large overhang which acts as a shade running along the front of the shops.

This effectively means that shoppers can browse for hours, meandering from shop to shop in the comfortable knowledge that they don’t risk picking up third degree burns or sun stroke along the way.

On really hot days, if you find that you’re starting to feel a little hot under the collar, help is at hand in the form of one of the many drinking fountains scattered throughout the CBD.

Wooden benches are also scattered at intervals throughout the CBD so if you’ve meandered around the shops, had a drink from a water fountain and decided that you want to rest you weary feet, help is at hand.

It’s not that straight forward though. I’ve come to the conclusion this afternoon that the people responsible for painting and looking after the benches in Perth’s CBD must have slightly sadistic tendencies.

It’s great that the Perth City council decided to provide places for its patrons to sit and it’s even better that they made the wise decision to use wooden benches instead of metal.

It begs the question though, who made the decision to paint said benches in Dark Brown (for added heat retention) gloss (for added heat reflection) paint.

Here I am, sandwich in hand looking for a spot to perch my weary Yorkshire buttocks.

No problems finding a spare bench but Jeeze I now know why most of the benches were empty.

There’s the saying that when something’s really hot it’s ‘hot enough to fry an egg’.

I’d say the bench I sat on today was beyond that. Trying to save face (just in case some bugger who had done the same thing was watching from afar) I attempted to put up with the heat for about two minutes in the hope that without the direct sunshine the heat would quickly subside.

Unfortunately, even after two minutes of swapping from cheek to cheek my buttocks were entering a medium-rare state and I could handle no more.

And here’s me thinking I’d never have any use for those Damart Thermals, if only I’d have brought them with me.

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